Oil Paints
Kali Flower
Kali Flower
As waves crashed against the dry shore I felt my throat tighten. Blue water slapped the deep brown sand leaving little pieces of its self to soak into the ground leaving only traces of white foam on top. I watched as the ocean danced its way back towards us where it would make its home for the night leaving us to find somewhere else to go. For me that was going back to my deadbeat home in my deadbeat town and for him that meant going to create a new life for himself at college. As far as I could see there was only blue and orange, mixing in the middle to create something magical at the horizon. The sun crawled farther away every second making it grow cooler and darker. The sky’s clock ticked down the minutes until it had to change into something dark and enchanting meaning it was also ticking down the minutes until we had to change into something new as well. I continuously tried to imagine who I was going to be without him but everytime the thoughts crept into my brain I felt my heart break over and over again. I tried to block out the sounds of the squawking seagulls overhead and focus on his breathing and the whisper of the water. His breath was steady and strong while mine was inconsistent and untrustworthy. Traces of grapes and ice coffee lingered in my mouth making a point that every time I tasted these things I would think of him. Through my nose I took in the salty sea air and the smell of him because I knew that once he was gone, that was the last time it would only be a simple cologne and not an association with what could have been. My skin felt hot despite the sun setting above us leading me to believe that it was not just the sun’s fault for my burnt skin but it was also due to all the built up emotions begging to get out. I tried to soak up every last second, every last ray of sun, every last breath of sea air before it was all gone and he packed up his Honda Civic and left me behind. The sky was this beautiful mixture between coral and blue reflecting it’s shine onto our exposed skin like oil paints. I particularly loved the way it made his tan legs glow. He sat with his knees bent in front of him admiring the simple beauty presenting itself in front of us. I almost envied him for his ability to calmly focus on the rushing water while all I could see was him. Resting my hands on top of the beach blanket pulled from the trunk of my car, I squished the burning hot sand beneath it hoping it would provide me some sort of release of the tears I had been holding in for days. Crunching between my fingers, all the sand slipped through the cracks and made its way back home. I let out a deep sigh as the fizz from the upcoming wave crashed against the hard rocks. This minor inconvenience seemed so insignificant to me right now even though I knew it would bother me any other time. I looked to my left and studied every detail of the stupid tattoo plastered on his muscular shoulder hoping that it would find a place in my mind to live forever. My eyes filled with tears as I stared down at my dry knees. I tried to compose myself as I convinced myself to speak the words that I had been holding in since I had first met him so long ago. “Dustin, I think I love you.” I stated calmly and quietly knowing that something like this needed to be delivered in the correct way. He turned and looked at me with his big, dark, peacefully aggressive eyes and he stared at me blankly with the same simple expression on his face. “What?” He questioned leaning closer to me closing in the negative space around us. Staring into his eyes I saw his future, I saw all reasons why I said what I just said and all the reasons why I was about to say what I was about to say. “Nevermind.”